


Validated

by beoms_daydream



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Dysphoria, Fluff, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Non-Binary Choi Yeonjun, Not a lot tho, and kai too, but they only use she/they pronouns tho, gender fluid Choi Yeonjun, hell just protect all of them :(, ill add more as or if needed, only slightly..., pls protect yeonjun :(, srry im really bad at tags lol, tyunning, yeonbin just being yeonbin at the end, yeonkai sibling relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:56:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27582373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beoms_daydream/pseuds/beoms_daydream
Summary: Yeonjun has been facing many internal battles with their self on what’s “true” or just their “imagination”. They don’t understand what they feel when they look at their self in the mirror, their physical female alter ego in front of them.ORYeonjun is figuring themself out, and feels pressure to be a "perfect older brother". Yeonjun and the members face their individual battles together.
Relationships: Choi Soobin & Choi Yeonjun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Choi Yeonjun & Huening Kai, Choi Yeonjun/Huening Kai
Comments: 8
Kudos: 63





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first ao3 fic, so pls be kind :)
> 
> But on a serious note- this is a reflection of personal battles that I deal with, and I felt that linking these experiences to Yeonjun (who openly supports the lgbtq+ community and ignores gender roles through his own style) could provide me and many other nb’s with comfort.
> 
> This ideas arose after their latest comeback, where I felt closer to the boys on a personal level when it comes to self expression.
> 
> This is FICTION. This does not reflect any of the members beliefs, sexual or gender orientations or identities, life events, or relationships. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy <3

The boys had just made it back to the dorms, after a long day of recording their Blue Hour mv. While the other members had dinner outside in the backyard, Yeonjun chose to opt out. He felt weird today. Out of place. It happens often, but today was...different.

At certain points, “he” felt confident.

At certain points, “he” also felt disgusted.

He couldn’t describe how he felt or what he saw. What he feels or what he sees.

Was it confusion?

Sadness?

Anger?

Insecurities?

The tall flat material reflecting -what he’d supposedly looked like to the rest of the world- stood before him.

He looked at his hair.

What was once a warm brown, was changed to an electric blue. Though it had faded, it was bleached as a fresh start. To see a new side of himself.

To be experimental. 

He went with a highlighter yellow. It fit him well. Bright, happy, attention grasping. Different. 

He liked different. Maybe he could do this more often. 

Color, is what he craved. There’s no happy world without color. Highlights on top of his yellow hair? Hell yeah.

He liked the pink highlights a lot. Which led him to change it up, again. 

Pink. 

Pink, pink, pink.

He loved it. He wanted more. More color, and more length to display the color. 

A pink mullet with rainbow highlights is what he’s seeing.

He feels good.

He stares at his face through the reflection next.

Over his defined jawline, there’s dark, smokey eyeshadow. A light shade of blush coating his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. Red lip tint that made his other features stand out. Bora bora water colored contacts over the dark brown pigment in his eyes. He liked what he saw.

He feels pretty.

His eyes then travel down to his chest and abdomen.

He grazes a finger over the strip of skin being exposed due to the pink crop top he was wearing. He loved how smooth yet toned his belly looked in that.

Soobin, Taehyun and Beomgyu had no problem wearing crop tops. They laughed it off and didn’t think much of it and how they looked in them.

Yeonjun on the other hand...

Well, he felt a connection with it. He felt like he should be wearing that because it belongs on his body. Not because of a music video or for fans.

He wonders what MOA will see when they look at him. Will they think he’s pretty? Will they think he’s too girly? Will they...see him as a girl?

Why was he even thinking these things?

He tried to eliminate the thoughts, but they kept coming back.

He had sometimes wondered what it would be like to be a girl. 

To do crazy and unique hairstyles without being judged for it.

To learn the art of makeup, how to do it, and do it all by himself without being judged.

To be called “noona” by the younger members. Kai had been calling him that lately as a joke, but Yeonjun seriously didn’t mind it.

To have someone treat him delicately. Tell him he’s pretty. Gently hold his waist.

To act how people consider “girly” without being questioned.

But he’s a “guy”. 

He still has pride.

Still wants the same body he was given at birth.

So yeah, maybe he’s a bit “too androgynous” for his gender.

But...none of those factors define what a guy or is. They define what a human is. 

He didn’t understand these thoughts and emotions, or himself.

He drops to his knees and kneels in front of his mirror. A sob that he didn’t know he was holding in, finally escapes his mouth.

He quickly stops his sobs as he hears a light knock on his room door.

He knows it’s Kai. He always knocks the gentlest.

“come in.” he says, trying not to sound as weak as he feels.

“hey hyung...” Kai hesitantly walks in and shuts the door. Yeonjun internally flinches at the choice of honorifics that the younger used. “umm...i heard noise...so i wanted to know if you were okay.” He sits at the edge of Yeonjun’s bed.

The older gets up and joins him.

“Yeah i’m good.” Yeonjun smiles. “Just allergies.”

Kai doesn’t seem moved, one bit.

“Hyung-"

“Kai.” Yeonjun stops him. “Please don’t...never mind. I wouldn’t lie to you about everything being fine. You know this.”

Yet nothing was remotely close to “fine” for Yeonjun. 

There was a silence between the two.

“Please don’t what?” Kai asks.

“huh?”

“You said ‘please don’t...’ and then said never mind” Kai points out.

Shit. Yeonjun was trapped now.

Yeonjun sighs. “Kai...how do i put this...i’m not feeling...myself.”

Kai was beyond confused. 

“What do you mean?” He asks.

Yeonjun brings his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them.

“So...say you weren’t the maknae. Say you’re the oldest member of TXT, and the rest of the members call you ‘hyung’ all the time. You’d be okay with that right?”

“Of course I would.” He responds.

“Okay...” Yeonjun sighs. “So what if i told you that i don’t feel that way?”

“I’m...i’m confused...” Kai admits.

Yeonjun gives an almost inaudible chuckle.

“I...am questioning my gender. I was born in a male body and I’d like to keep my body, though i sometimes don’t feel like i identify as that...”

“Oh...” is all Kai says.

Kai isn’t Yeonjun’s own kid, but it feels like it since he and the members are responsible for him. So he knows that everything he does will influence the younger in some way.

This gives the older anxiety. “I...look, i’m always trying to be a good influence on you as your big...as your big sibling. My job is to protect and defend you, so i would hate if anything makes you the slightest bit unhappy...So I guess i’ve been keeping my thoughts on this a secret for so long because i didn’t want you to follow in my footsteps and start questioning yourself too. Not because i don’t want you to explore but...it could take a huge toll on your career. You’re still so young and you have so much that you could do. I would hate to not be able to live my dreams because of a homophobic industry. So if i wanted anyone’s career to be ruined, it would be mine.” The olders eyes start watering as he talks over the lump in his throat. “So even if you think I’m weird for this, or you don’t want to look up to me anymore, i completely understand. i just...needed you to know.”

There’s a short silence between the two.

“Well, I figured you don’t want me to call you hyung...so Yeonjun-ssi...I love you so much and I’ll always support and accept you. I don’t care if you’re a boy, girl, neither or both...you’re still my big Yeonjun-ssi and i’m always gonna look up to you.”

Yeonjun was relieved, but not surprised.

Kai had always had an open minded, pure soul after all.

He pulls the younger into his embrace as he lets tears roll down his pink blush covered cheeks. He runs his fingers through his hair.

“I love you so, so much Kai. So, so much.” Yeonjun cries. “And you can call me Yeonjun-ssi or actually call me noona. It’s whatever you want.”

Kai rubs his belly in return and also chuckles at the amount of times he’s called Yeonjun “noona” as a joke. “Okay noona. Right after Lea, you’re the best big sister ever.”

~

9:46 a.m.

The sky was blue, and the sun shone through the very minimal amount of clouds in the sky.

The homey scent of bacon, eggs and pancakes filled the air of the kitchen, circulating through the whole house.

Today was a free day, so the members decided to start it off with a nice breakfast together.

Yeonjun took a sip of his orange juice before speaking. “How’d you guys sleep?” He asks.

“Good.” Soobin and Taehyun answer one after another.

Beomgyu nods, still half asleep.

“You did a good job cooking breakfast Yeonjun, hyung.” Taehyun says before shoving a fork full of pancakes in his mouth.

“...thanks.” Yeonjun nervously chuckles.

Yeonjun and Kai make eye contact. Kai smiles. “Hwaiting!” He silently mouths to Yeonjun.

Yeonjun gives back a warm smile and puts down their fork.

“So...I’ve been wanting to talk you all about something.”

The others all look at Yeonjun. “Everything good hyung?” Beomgyu asks casually.

“Well you see, about that...” Yeonjun scratches the back of their head. “Hyuka and I spoke last night about something really personal. So i’ll tell you all the same thing i told him. Im basically gender fluid if thats what you wanna call it. I didn’t tell you guys because i wasn’t so sure myself, and i also didn’t want you all to start thinking things about yourself and then get into situations that could ruin your careers. I’d rather that happen to me. I hope you all can support me, though it’s okay if you don’t. But till further notice, i’m Yeonjun-ssi or noona.” Yeonjun holds his breath until he receives a response.

“Sure Yeonjun-ssi.” Taehyun smiles. “It’s your body and your life, at least i’ll always support you no matter what.”

“Me too!” Soobin chimes in.

“Same here!” Beomgyu adds.

Kai just smiles at them since Yeonjun is already aware of what Kai thinks.

“Thank you guys.” Yeonjun responds.

They all nod and go back to eating like nothing has changed.

Yeonjun wondered if it really went that easily just now.

Over the sound of them munching on food, Soobin speaks.

“Oh, and Yeonjun noona...I think you’re really pretty-“ He pauses. “-actually...i think you’re gorgeous.” He states in a more serious tone.

Let’s just say Soobin and Yeonjun have had TINY crushes on each other for a while now...

“o-oh...thank you...” Yeonjun answers shyly. They can feel his ears turn warm, almost certain that it’s noticeable on the outside.

“Ugh, i’m sick of you two” Beomgyu states (referring to the two love birds). “I’m playing video games, who’s joining?”

“Me!” The two maknaes state in unison.

Soobin and Yeonjun also agree to join.

“First ones to touch the controllers get to play first!” Beomgyu says before running off to the living room where their game console is placed. 

Yeonjun watched as the younger members ran in front of them. They were happy.

They felt loved.

They felt valid.

They felt human.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She feels beautiful. She feels loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe here’s Chapter 2! This takes place about 6 months after previous events. 
> 
> I’m considering just ending this fic right here but let me know if you’d like me to continue on with it.
> 
> I hope you enjoy! :)

“NOONA HELLPPPP!”

It’s 2 in the morning, and Kai is downstairs screaming for his life.

Yeonjun wakes up from their guardian instincts prompting them to see what the problem is. 

They look to the side and see that Soobin is still fast asleep, his arm around their waist.

(The two have grown so close to the point that Soobin just sleeps with Yeonjun every night, forgetting about his roommate Beomgyu.)

Yeonjun pulls Soobin’s arm from around their waist and shakes him awake. 

“Soobinie!” They whisper yell.

“Mmgh~” Soobin noises an incomprehensible sound before the both of them jump up in panic at a loud bump being heard from down stairs.

“YEONJUNAHH, SOOBINNIEE!” This time it was Beomgyu yelling. He never uses honorifics.

The two of them quickly rush downstairs.

——

“AHHH GET OFF, IM SORRY, IM SORRY!” Kai pleads.

The two oldest members enter the living room where all the commotion is taking place.

Kai is on the floor trying to defend himself from Taehyun who is on top of him, looking like he’s attempting murder towards the younger. Meanwhile Beomgyu is trying to pull Taehyun off of Hueningkai to hopefully save the poor child’s life.

All this at midnight.

Beomgyu notices the two older ones have arrived and speaks up.

“Well, don’t just stand there, come help!”

Yeonjun scurries to Beomgyu’s side, helping him pull Taehyun off of the maknae. Soobin tries to pull Kai from under Taehyun.

After much resisting and possible injuries, the two were finally separated and Kai immediately hides behind Soobin. Everyone in the room was panting.

“Guys, what happened!?” Soobin asks.

“What happened?” Taehyun rhetorically restates. “This cornball read my diary while I was in the shower!”

“Chill, it’s not my fault you wrote that you feel like you’re lifeless without me.” Kai teases.

Taehyun balls his fists at Kai’s words knowing exactly what he said was true.

“Awe is that really true Taehyun?” Yeonjun asks placing an endearing hand over their heart.

A blush grows across Taehyun’s face. 

“Ugh I can’t do this. Soobin hyung I’m sleeping in your bed tonight, I can’t look at that kid for another second.”

He storms off back upstairs.

“Well i’m gonna go calm him down. Good night.” Beomgyu says, following after Taehyun.

It’s now just Yeonjun, Soobin and Hueningkai.

“...but why does Taehyun hyung think so many nice things about me?”

Soobin goes up to Kai and places a hand in his shoulder.

“You know what a diary is for, right?” Soobin asks the younger.

“Of course I do! It’s where you keep secret thoughts that you don’t want others to know about.”

Yeonjun and Soobin make eye contact.

Yeonjun face palms themself.

“You’ll realize why soon you innocent child, go back to bed. We have work in the morning.”

The three of them all go back upstairs to their respective sleeping areas.

~

The members were having a writing session today in the Big Hit building.

Kai was clicking his pen.

Click, click.

Click, click.

Click. click.

Cli-

“Oh my gosh could you shut up, you’re so annoying.” Taehyun blurts.

All of the members look at him.

It’s not unusual for Taehyun to tell Kai off when he was being annoying. He just usually does it in a more loving or less hurtful way.

Well, today was different.

Taehyun suddenly stands up and grabs his coffee, notepad, and pen. 

“I’m going to studio 2E.” He leaves the room, leaving the members once again, in silence.

“Is Taehyun okay?” Beomgyu asks.

“I don’t know. Kai, did you two fight again today?” Soobin asks.

“No, it was only last night that we argued. He seemed kinda annoyed this morning but I figured it was just because it was early.” He reasons.

“I’m gonna go try to talk to him.” Yeonjun says before getting up and leaving the room.

-

They get to studio 2E and knocks on the door.

“Taehyunah?” They call.

Taehyun gets up and unlocks the door  
to the studio. 

“What is it noona?” He asks.

“Can i come in?”

Taehyun holds the door open wider for Yeonjun to enter.

Yeonjun sits on the small couch in the studio while Taehyun takes the desk chair.

“So what’s up with you?” Yeonjun asks casually, playing with one of their hoop earrings.

“mjust not having a good day.” He says almost inaudible, looking down at his nike slides.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” They ask.

Yeonjun was almost positive they knew what Taehyun was upset about, but they didn’t want to push it.

Taehyun just shrugs his shoulders.

“Is this about Kai?” Yeonjun asks.

Taehyun slowly nods.

“He...I...noona...when you were a boy, how did you know that you were gay?”

Yeonjun slightly chuckles.

“What’s so funny?” Taehyun asks.

“Oh its nothing,” Yeonjun composes themself. “I knew it had to to do with this. All I can say is that...if you’re asking a gay person how they knew they were gay...you’re probably gay too if that’s what you’re asking.”

Taehyun’s face turns red in embarrassment.

Yeonjun finally gets serious. 

“But Tae, do you think you might...like Kai?”

Once again, the younger shrugs his shoulders.

“It’s just...he read my diary and-“

“-You wrote your feelings about him in it so it made you angry when he read it?” Yeonjun cuts Taehyun off.

Taehyun slowly nods again as his eyes start to water.

Yeonjun pulls Taehyun closer to them and embraces him in a hug. Taehyun starts crying into the olders shoulder.

“Sshhh, I know Taehyunie. I know. Discovering yourself...can be scary sometimes. You might wonder why you feel or act a certain way in certain situations involving him. It may feel wrong but you know deep down that it feels so good. Yep. I get it.”

“What do I do noona~?” He cries harder.

“You do whatever feels right. Look, i’ll tell you that Kai is still completely oblivious to how you actually feel about him. He interpreted your diary in a very brotherly way, not so romantic. So he thinks that you just like him a lot as a little brother, not anything more.”

“Really?” Taehyun asks, in a relieved tone.

“Mhm. And Taehyun...I honestly don’t even know if Hyuka even likes guys or not...so if you were planning on talking to him about this, then don’t expect the worst but DEFINITELY don’t expect the best either. Okay?”

“Okay noona.” The younger’s sniffles have calmed down.

Yeonjun gives Taehyun a comforting rub along his arm.

“Clean your face and then head back up to the main studio. I’m gonna take us all out to get smoothies.” Yeonjun smiles.

~ Later That Night

The younger 3 had decided to go to an arcade by the smoothie place when they went out earlier. Yeonjun and Soobin chose to hang back at the dorm.

Yeonjun is currently making their famous Aglio E Olio pasta in the kitchen.

“Yeonjun-ssi.” Soobin says softly as he wraps his arms around Yeonjun’s waist from behind.

The two have become very domestic and physically affectionate over the past few months. Soobin is also the only one out of the members who calls Yeonjun ‘yeonjun-ssi’ which endears the older a little bit.

“Is it almost done?” Soobin asks.

“Can you wait?” Yeonjun chuckles.

A comfortable silence is left between the two until Soobin breaks it.

“You know Yeonjun-ssi...I’m really proud and moved by you. And...no matter what you do to yourself, you’re always gonna be beautiful in my eyes.”

Yeonjun slowly turns around to face Soobin, still in his arms.

“Where’s that shy Soobin I used to know?” Yeonjun chuckles. “He’s all bold and romantic now. I love it.” 

The two stare into each other’s eyes, not letting anything break their contact.

Neither of them were exactly sure how or when it happened, but before they knew it, their lips were pressed in place like a puzzle piece.

While Yeonjun has been gay as a rainbow their whole life, Soobin didn’t want to admit, but this was his first time kissing a non-cis female.

And holy hell did it feel good. 

He tilted his head to deepen the kiss, and pulled their bodies closer together by Yeonjun’s waist. Yeonjun wrapped their arms around the back of Soobin’s neck for more contact.

Yeonjun suddenly pulls back, leaving the two of them panting. 

“Why...why haven’t you asked me out yet?” Yeonjun questions.

“I was just waiting for the right time...i wanted to plan a date or something.”

“I don’t wanna wait for that though, I wanna date you now.” Yeonjun pouts.

“But-“ 

“Please!” Yeonjun begs.

“Okay, okay, fine... Yeonjun, would you like to date me?”

“No.” Yeonjun responds.

Soobin’s insides go cold.

“Aha it was a prank pabo, of course i will!”

They pull Soobin down and attack their lips once again.

Until Soobin pulls away this time.

“Yeonjun!”

“What?”

“The pasta!”

“Oh sh-“

This was going to be a long night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And when my homophobic and sexist mom finds my nb Choi Yeonjun drafts then what? 🤠
> 
> But y’all asked for it so let’s go~
> 
> This chapter is also a little sad but it gets a bit “steamy” towards the end so if y’all are uncomfortable with it you might just wanna skip that part. (they don’t actually do IT btw)

•A Month Later•

“5,6,7, 8- WRONG! It’s left foot and then down. Again.”

Kai goes back to his previous position. Yeonjun starts counting again.

“5,6- No! You started on the wrong count. Again.”

Somebody save this child.

“5- Again!”

“Noona I’m gonna lose it!” Kai bursts. “Every single time I start to dance you say ‘WRONG! NOPE! YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG! AGAIN!’. You’re literally not even counting anymore!”

Yeonjun pinches the bridge of their nose and takes a deep breath.

“But you asked for extra lessons with me to learn the moves quicker, so what made you think I was gonna go easy on you- you know what, never mind. We’re all stressed, so let’s just rap this up. Do you wanna try again tomorrow?” Yeonjun tries to compromise.

No. Please no.

That’s what Kai wanted to say. But what came out?

“Sure noona.” With a bright smile plastered on his face.

“Okay, cool. I’m gonna go to my studio to work on some songs. Don’t forget that you have vocal lessons at 8, okay?” Yeonjun ensures.

“Yup, I remember!” The younger responds.

Yeonjun grabs their bag and heads towards the practice room exit.

“Okay, I’ll see you later...and I’ll try not to be too hard on you tomorrow...I didn’t mean to be so rude today, it’s just...never mind. Don’t overwork yourself.” Yeonjun gives the younger a soft smile before leaving the room.

That was strange. 

~

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

Yeonjun sighs before opening the door to their studio. Their expressionless face changes to a slight grin when they see their boyfriend on the other side of the door.

“Oh hey Soobinie, what’s up?” They let Soobin inside and they both take a seat on the small sofa.

“Hey baby.” He gives Yeonjun a peck on their lips. “I wanted to know if you had a copy of our schedule.”

“Ummm yeah I should, hold on.” Yeonjun gets up to check the file cabinet by their desk.

Soobin didn’t have many weaknesses, but one of the very few that he has, is Yeonjun’s body. 

In a non-sexual way, Soobin thought Yeonjun’s body was perfect. Everything that Yeonjun may have been insecure of, are Soobin’s favorite features. He can’t help but to compliment his partner at their every movement. 

“Babe, you’re so pretty.” He says.

In a regular circumstance where cameras are rolling and the other members are around, they’d use that compliment to be narcissistic.

But when it’s just Yeonjun and Soobin his compliments make them feel like there’s a tornado of butterflies in their stomach.

“S-shut up.” Yeonjun says with a blush on their cheeks. Soobin chuckles.

They sit back down and hand the schedule to Soobin.

“Here you go. How come you didn’t just go to our manager for a copy of the schedule by the way?” Yeonjun asks.

“Oh I couldn’t find him anywhere in the building today. He also wasn’t in his office so I figured he probably went out or something.” Soobin answers.

“Ahh I see.”

Soobin scans the schedule.

“Jeez, we’re packed this month. We only have a week worth of free days.” 

“Yep, that’s great~” Yeonjun states sarcastically.

Soobin looks over and notices how tired Yeonjun looks. How hollow their cheeks have gotten. How exhausted they seem.

“How are you doing babe?” He asks as he runs his fingers through Yeonjun’s growing hair.

Truth is, Yeonjun didn’t really know how they were doing. Work was becoming overwhelming, and they had been questioning their abilities as a person and if something was “wrong” with them. But Yeonjun wasn’t gonna tell Soobin all of that. Yeonjun is still older, and can’t have Soobin worrying.

“I’m good.” They simply answer.

Unfortunately for Yeonjun, Soobin’s intuition is strong. He knew that something was up.

“I needed the schedule because I wanted to find a day for us to have a date. You seem like there’s things on your mind lately, so I just want to treat you.”

“I’m fine, really.” Yeonjun gives Soobin a weak smile.

They weren’t fine, really.

~

Soobin had finished showering about an hour ago since he got back to the dorm a little earlier than Yeonjun. Yeonjun is fresh out the shower, and her hair is a little damp.

Soobin was laying on Yeonjun’s bed playing mobil games while he waited for Yeonjun to come lay down, like most nights.

Yeonjun wore and oversized t-shirt (which is most often Soobin’s) and shorts. They sat on the bed next to Soobin, and cuddled up next to him as they watched him get killed by an imposter in Among Us.

“Ha, ha, you suck.” Yeonjun teases.

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” Soobin chuckles. He turns of his phone and pulls Yeonjun closer.

Since Yeonjun was in a more clear state of mind than earlier, Soobin thought to bring up the topic again.

“So what’s going on babe?” Soobin asks.

“What do you mean?” Yeonjun asks (knowing exactly what Soobin means).

“What’s been on you’re mind lately.” Soobin says in a more serious tone.

“Just...stressed.” Yeonjun quietly answers. “I’ve been trying to get songs in for our album but they keep getting rejected...I’ve been trying to help the maknaes with some of their concerns but i feel like i’m not doing something right...and just as far as myself as a person goes...i look at my body and...and i just feel disgusted...like what guy wears crop tops and skinny jeans and has long colorful hair and-“

“Yeonjun-ah.” Soobin cuts Yeonjun off. Yeonjun stays silent. “What did i tell you? Don’t let those thoughts get to your head...you’re not a disgusting person. And try to stop misgendering yourself...you don’t identify as a male, so try to stop thinking as if you’re male...it’ll make the dysphoria worse.” He brushed a piece of hair out of Yeonjun’s face.

Yeonjun would sometimes have their low moments where they would listen to every negative thought they had. It could be about their job, their body, their personality- anything. If it’s bad, Yeonjun takes it to heart. It was hard to control at times, but Soobin’s keen intuition was able to spot these things.

“How long have you been having these thoughts?” He asks.

Yeonjun shrugs their shoulders before answering. “2 weeks?”

Soobin sighs. “Baby, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want to worry you.” Yeonjun answers. “I just...I got a little frustrated with Kai earlier and it wasn’t even his fault. I was helping him practice the choreo and y’know...there’s mirrors in the dance practice studio...and i’ve been having really bad dysphoria lately...so when i saw myself I-I got frustrated and became a little more rude to him. Then Hyuka got upset and i realized that i was overworking him and he was anxious...yet he still agreed to have another practice tomorrow despite how annoying i must have been today. It’s not fair to him. I might as well just stop giving dance lessons, Taehyun is so good at teaching choreo, if not better than me.” Yeonjun’s voice starts to crack from the threatening sobs being held back.

“Baby breathe, just breathe.” Soobin rubs Yeonjun’s back and Yeonjun does as instructed. They breathe.

“You’re focused on too many things at once. Just...just rest your brain tonight. In the morning you’re gonna feel so much better. I promise.” Soobin seals his promise with a kiss on Yeonjun’s lips. It was passionate, but full with care and concern.

Yeonjun hadn’t event realized how much intimacy the two haven’t shared this week due to stress being a distraction. This led them to want more.

Yeonjun connects their lips again, throwing a leg across Soobin to completely sit up and straddle his hips. 

Soobin was now completely pushed down on the bed, still with his lips connected to Yeonjun’s. He moves his hands to fit the exposed skin on Yeonjun’s waist due to the lose shirt.

They both tilted their heads to deepen the now sloppy kiss Yeonjun had initiated.

Yeonjun’s lips were irresistible to Soobin. They taste of coco butter chapstick that Yeonjun had applied after brushing their teeth.

For Yeonjun, that still wasn’t enough as they desperately pressed their hips to Soobin’s in seek of more pleasure. They repeated this motion until a slight moan left Yeonjun’s throat.

Soobin then steadies Yeonjun’s hips in place and pulls away for a split second, a bit worried that Yeonjun might be getting carried away.

“Woah, woah, woah, baby are you sure you wanna go that far yet?”

“Yes Soobin, yes.” Yeonjun says desperately.

Yeonjun brings a hand to Soobin’s wrist and places it right on their crotch area. 

“Please Soobinie.” Yeonjun practically begs before grinding into Soobin’s hand.

“f-fuck noona...” He groans.

Yeonjun didn’t know why, but Soobin calling them “noona” compared to the other members saying it felt so different...yet good at the same time.

Yeonjun leans back down connecting their lips again, only pulling away to speak.

“C-call me that again.” They say shyly.

“You’re so pretty noona.” He kisses their forehead.

“Noona, you’re so sexy.” He kisses their jaw.

“Noona, you’re perfect. My Yeonjun noona is so perfect.” He dives back in on Yeonjun’s lips.

‘𝘮𝘺 Yeonjun noona is so perfect.’

That stuck with Yeonjun for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is basically a yeonbin fic now but what do you want me to say.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey again! Did you enjoy this?
> 
> You may notice that in the first part of the story, Yeonjun uses he/him pronouns. Towards the end, it transitions into him using female/neutral pronouns to express themself. This was intentional. It’s because he found comfort in telling Kai about him emotions and thoughts, and Kai validating them.


End file.
